DALLAS, TX – Whenever I visit my local courts, I’m immediately scanning the crowd of players to gauge their skills... and get a closer look at their paddles.

I think you can tell a lot about a player by their choice of paddle.

Admittedly, I’ve been a little harsh in the past, judging novices using plastic, electric green and blue paddles that were clearly ordered on Amazon Prime the night before just to give America's fastest-growing sport a try.

I judged the hyper-intense corporate bros with JOOLA and Selkirk paddles, too. Those guys are convinced they’ll go pro if they follow in Connor Garnett’s footsteps. 

With that in mind, here’s what your paddle says about you:

JOOLA

• - Obsessed with Ben Johns
• - Probably Googled "best pickleball paddle" and picked the most expensive one
• - Likely doesn't read the latest pickleball news if it's a Gen 3
  
  

Paddletek

• - Convinced can play like Anna Leigh Waters
• - Likely practices wall drills like Christian Alshon
  
  

Selkirk

•  - Probably thinks they have a forehand like Jack Sock

Engage

•  - Likely from Florida or extremely patriotic
  
  

Proton 

• - I bet they love HOKA shoes, too, for maximum color overload
  
  

VERSIX 

• - Probably still doing a drop serve 
• - About to level up to a Selkirk
  
  

Random paddle ordered from Amazon

• - Probably visited a pickleball court twice in their lifetime 
• - You’ll be teaching them the rules

Cute paddles from Target

• - Just there to have a cute photoshoot for Instagram
• - Or participating in the “dump him and play pickleball trend” 

Wooden paddle

• - Sigh. Just avoid these players.
• - As they say in Texas, "Bless their heart"
  
  

What does your paddle say about you? Let us know on Instagram and X (formerly Twitter).